Readers, all 6 of you, are in for a treat today. Today not only do you get to hear me ramble on about about interracial dating, and marriage; you also get the perspective from a white woman married to a black man about their relationship and his otherbrotherness. For all intensive purposes we’ll just call her Splenda.
Ok for starters I’m gonna apologize for all the stuff that can be inferred as racist that I’m gonna say. Also, this will be pretty much about white and black people. I know other races date but for some reason minorities dating other minorities doesn’t have the same stigma. So we’ll go with what moves people.
There was a time when dating a white girl would give you instant other brother status, but things have changed. White girls have changed or are just more open minded than before. Nowadays you have white girls that exclusively date black men. And they range from straight ghetto to extremely professional. There are girls that don’t discriminate and date all races. And there are girls that are with the only black guy they’ve ever been with. There are also girls that have white husbands and kids and only use black men for sex, but this isn’t really about them.
So, why do black guys date white women? It may be they are tired of black girls attitudes. It might be because they just want something different. It’s probably because they’re an otherbrother and have more in common with white girls. The bottom line is; we’re dudes and we really don’t care what color she is. I know I’m leaving stuff out about it being taboo and all the rest of that bullshit because that doesn’t influence me.
Being in an interracial marriage is different. There are girls that will date black dudes or whatever, but would never marry one. And that goes vice versa. When you start involving families and start talking about kids… All the shit hits the fan. It’s a fact that most black people are raised diff than white people. And those differences will show up when the magic fades and it’s alot of work to iron them out.
But enough from my POV. Let’s hear what the other half has to say.
Splenda:
My husband once told me he knew very early on that he wouldn’t marry a black girl. When I asked him “why?” he succinctly clarified “I dunno, I just knew.”
I’ve never thought of categorizing my husband as an otherbrother. If you put his Ipod on shuffle you’ll hear Jay-Z and John Legend and Mary J. but you’ll also get Depeche Mode, Pink Floyd, and Wax Poetic. He likes anything on wheels but mostly hot little imports. He loves to go fast and I know he watches NASCAR when I’m not around. He’s fairly clean cut and lets me dress him in metro-sexual chic. He remembers where he came from but he hates going home. He hates being surrounded by the ghettofabulous hood-rat mentality that has trapped so many of his friends and family.
If there is one defining characteristic of otherbrothers it is that they have the strength of character to form their own opinions; their own likes & dislikes. They don’t succumb to the pressure of perpetuating a particular cultural stereotype that is all hype and no substance. He listens to Jay-Z because he likes Jay-Z; not because Ebony called him cool. What some may view as a disdain for his own heritage is simply him deciding to be neither follower nor leader. And what he needed in a partnership was the same thing.
This is where I enter. I could get all esoteric and prattle on about universal connections and the singular origin of all humankind, but fuck it – I spoke to him because he was ballsy enough to approach me. I dated him because he was cute and funny. I slept with him because…well, I was a horny teenager so that doesn’t really count. But 12 years later (yes, a whole dozen), I married him because he was his own man.
A few months back, I was relaying to my mother how my husband wanted to dress up as George Clinton for a costume contest. She stared at me blankly, not recognizing the name. I said “You know, George Clinton? Funkmaster? Psychedelic ruler of all things funky? Parliament? You know? (pause as she continues to stare at me) See that gap right there? That’s the ‘cultural gap’ everyone is always talking about.” A mere two days later, I was telling my husband about taking my sister to see Rocky Horror. I got that same blank stare. “You know, Rocky Horror? Campy ‘B’ movie from the 70’s? Hot transvestite in fishnets? A musical knock-off of classic Frakenstein? (another pause) See that gap right there? That’s the ‘cultural gap’ everyone is always talking about.” Apparently I’m the bridge. And in a few years, when our little otherchildren are running around singing ‘Time Warp’ and ‘Dr. Funkenstein’ in turn, they’ll become bridges, too. And so on. I think it will be less about me and my husband’s differences and more about a complete life experience.
That’s whats up.
Look dude, this is a moot point. Only people like you think this is a problem. I’m a white Jewish man that was married to a black woman for 15 years. Just give it up and stop thinking about this crap unless you live in Texas. Please, we’re the same race, just different pigmentation. Who actually cares? Not my Catholic father nor my Jewish mother. Can we just give this a rest? There are much more important things happening in the world than the color of your skin. I could give a rats ass. Yes, you’re not white. Who cares? Spend your time doing something for humanity (once again, we’re all the same race you bigoted bastard). Feel free to slam me on this one. Just make your argument insightful and thought out. Otherwise, get over it. Most of us don’t care.
Well, I for one am glad you are over the race issue. I’m even happier that your parents are over it. I’d like for you and your wife to move to the south (where I do live) and tell me that no one cares. Its ignorant to think that if everyone stops talking about race that it will cease to be a problem. For the record I’m married to a white woman. And my 7yr old daughter is half white.
This website and this post isn’t about what white people think. Its about black people being different from other black people. A lot of the issues over race that I’ve had to deal with have been from other black people. Go talk to 5 random black girls and ask them what they think of black guys dating white girls. Now go try it with 5 white and 5 black people over 60. Just because people aren’t in your peer group or your circle of friends doesn’t mean they don’t count.
I have lived all over the world and have yet to find a place where the color of my skin wasn’t an issue with someone. We cannot hide from our differences. We can however celebrate them, we can laugh at them and we can educate others about them.
I want you to try being black for a while. Try to know what it feels like being 14% of the population and 80% of the prison population and tell me that no one cares. Try having to be twice as good to get the same recognition and tell me that no one cares.
The majority of my friends are white and the race conversation always comes up and I hear the same thing from them. That they don’t care about race. Must be nice to just absolve themselves from a social issue that they don’t really want to talk about.
I’d love to write more, but its 5am and i gotta go to work, where the oldest white guy there has let the word Nigger fly twice, in front of management and others, with no consequence. Maybe they don’t care either.
“The bottom line is; we’re dudes and we really don’t care what color she is. ” What? Since when didn’t a woman’s distinguishing characteristics play a role in a man’s un/attraction to her? Or are you implying that race is the only such chatacteristic? Racist? No. Sexist? Absolutely. But hey, can’t please all the people all the time, right?
Really? Come on, it’s a joke. It’s a play on the idea of how all men are dogs. You know, like what dude wouldn’t sleep with a girl because of her race. There is a shred of truth in it, but wasn’t meant to be taken literaly. Maybe I should highlight my sarcasm in red.
For what it’s worth, I dated my wife because she asked me out. I’m a dude, I don’t care. Oh, people in my family cared. I’m still not on speaking terms with blood relatives. But it is what it is, people will date ad marry who they date and marry.
Also, for the first commenter, I’d bet good money that had your dad been jewish and he’d married a goyim there attitudes would be much, much different.
Your “moot point” is my reality, Permial. The fact that my father refused to meet my husband, speak his name, or acknowledge his existence in any way until after we had been dating for 11 years and had officially become engaged is my reality. The fact that my parents pulled me from the school we both attended and enrolled me elsewhere just before kicking me out of their house is my reality. Whatever utopia you live in has yet to permeate the social structure and taboos of the Deep South. I’ve been called n*lover and spat at, he’s had his life threatened. Now, most of the time, it doesn’t even occur to me that I’m in an interracial relationship because color doesn’t matter to me. But it does matter to a lot of people. The fact that interracial marriages are legal shows that society has come a long way, but to think skin color isn’t an issue anywhere is small-minded and ignorant. And why should my counterargument be insightful and thought out? Yours certainly wasn’t.
LMAO @ “maybe I should highlight my sarcasm in red”!
I’m still lol’ing at that guy calling you a “bigoted bastard.” Wow.
Same race, different pigmentation? WTF? What color is the sky in your world, man? Just cuz you don’t look at it, don’t mean it ain’t grey, and that certainly won’t stop the rain from falling.
(QUOTE)I’d love to write more, but its 5am and i gotta go to work, where the oldest white guy there has let the word Nigger fly twice, in front of management and others, with no consequence. Maybe they don’t care either.(QUOTE)
I hope I don’t offend you. And I think? I know who that was that said that. The ass kisser?? I was raised to be “anti black”, [and it includes the "N" word which I wished that was not part of my upbringing but it was being raised in Atlanta since 1953]…[ignorant parents as I now see], but as I said before [In person] I have fewer black people on my “hit list” than white backstabbers. I grew up “white” but as time went on I found out that from time to time I had some very good friends that were black and wished that I could have gotten to known them better as I have you.
BD
I’m reading a fascinating book about how high school history books gloss over or ignore so many parts of American history that are negative. One key element is our tradition of racism, from the early days and on. My eyes opened a lot on the issue: to the point where I marvel at the way that everyone is calling the Obama election as something to be proud of nationally: “look, everyone! A black guy can be president! Ta daaaaa! America is so great.”
What we should be ashamed of is that it took us this long. Back on the whole interracial dating issue, I’ll never know what it’s like to date a black girl since I’m engaged now. I can’t help but think that in 30 years, it’s too bad I never tried it. Some of those sisters are hot.
“black girl attitude” ????????
you can’t just apply one size fits all to one catagory, i’m sure you don’t like it when people do it to you!!
anyhow, have a nice time now you are with a black man, i’m a black woman and no it doesn’t irk me.
I feel ya Noel
WOW… i love this site… Im black and i have only really dated white girls. Why??? well, first and foremost im a other brother, i ride bmx, and its has nothing to do with the fact that the girl is white. its like he said, ” we dont care what color she is”. it has all to do with the fact that as a black man, our own culture unfiortunately has dictated a formulaic stereotype for us. so when a other brother comes along, that doesnt exactcly fit the mold, we are chastised and looked at differently. i mean, i love my brothers and sisters, but sometimes they dont get it…. but some times they do. lol, i guess its not gangsta to ride a childrens bike!! And the fact of the matter is that some girls (lol, mostly white IMO) are more accepting of me and my lifestyle than a girl of my own race. and im not saying all black girls are like that..BY NO MEANS. but just like the streotype that alot of black men are thugs, then alot of black girls dont like dudes that arent thugs. and one bad apple (or experience) can ruin the bunch.
to the first guy, if race wasnt such an issue this website wouldnt exist. but it is a perfect outlet to at least showcase the fact that there are black males out there who arent the stereotype you see everyday on the god awful B.E.T., shit that channel is one of the reasons people have stereotypes that this site seems to try and break.
oh and one of the funniest things i have seen was when i pulled up to my skatepark in my caprice on 22s( hey, im still a brother, lol.) and pop the trunk and pull out…. my bmx bike. lol, the girls go CRAZZZY.
I think everyone has experienced some sort of racism, whether they are involved in an interracial relationship or not. I myself am about as white as they come and am married to a Puerto Rican woman. I’m not trying to say I’ve gone through as much as others but I’ve seen my fair share. It took quite some time for my paternal grandfather to acknowledge her (and myself to a certain extent) after we started dating. Born and raised in the south, I guess. Luckily, my parents never had an issue with any of the girls I dated regardless of race. Although growing up In Los Angeles and going to a school with a large population of gangstas, I took more heat for being a BMXer.